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I didn't know I cared…
Posted By askgail on May 19th, 2010
My daughter Beth is turning 40 in July and we are having a family reunion of sorts at a lake house in Wisconsin. Robb and I, my son Richard and his son Jordy, Beth’s half-brother Nicholas and his partner Amanda, and Beth’s father Fred and his wife Trudy and their daughter Maddie will all be there.
I haven’t bought a bathing suit in years. When necessary I wear an old tankini top and a pair of Robb’s bathing trunks–all very shabby chic and looking like I don’t care. I also don’t wear shorts anymore.
In March we went to Mexico on spring break and I wore this boob and tumy reducing bathing suit I bought years ago. The condo we stayed in was all windows and mirrors and there I was reflected, in all my old, square dumpiness, into infinity. Oy vey, as my grandmother used to say.
I noticed that most of the women on the beach and in the pools—old, young, skinny, fat, white, brown, black–wore two-piece bathing suits, appearing to like and enjoy their bodies a lot more than I did. One day sunning on the terrace in my bra and pants, I caught a look at myself in the glass and thought “I look better in my underwear than I do in that hideous bathing suit.” So when I got home I went through the catalogs and ordered a new suit.
The package arrived and I was all for sending it back unopened. Robb was unexpectedly curious and even excited. “Come on, open it up, I want to see how it looks on you.” There was even a moment when we each had an end of the package and were tugging on it. So I tried it on. And then I took it off, wrapped it up, and mailed it back.
It took a few hours for me to realize that this whole exercise in vanity was because I would be spending time with my ex-husband and I wanted to look good for him. We were married when we were both young and beautiful. But I’ve grown old with someone else and so has he.
If I go anywhere near the lake, I will be wearing a t-shirt and pants.
Tags: vanity
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Comments 2
A lake in Wisconsin sounds cold in any case. But, I hope you reconsider and go Mexican when in Mexico!
My sister Wendy is here visiting and brought me one of her older black bathing suits and it more than fits–it makes me feel just fine about going near the water.