Welcome to Ask Gail–a place to share questions and answers about what matters to us most: family, friends, community, health, peace, books, favorite resources, what feeds our soul… Ask Gail is also where we can create and share very important information like my “Gail’s Guide to Going to the Hospital.” Stay tuned for more…
Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’
Since my return from Beth’s 40th birthday gathering in WI, I have been at a loss to write about my experiences there. Lots of conflicting and bittersweet feelings. And some interesting surprises.
First, I finally got it that my daughter has three siblings. There is of course her brother Richard, my oldest child. Then, there is Nicholas, her 30-year-old half brother from her Dad’s second marriage. And finally, there is Maddie, her 16-year-old half sister from her Dad’s third and current marriage. I had never seen them all together before outside a picture frame. But there they were—looking so much like each other and their father. I saw my children as part of a larger constellation, one that I hope will offer love and stability and support to each of them.
The next thing I realized was how much of an accomplished horsewoman Beth is, and how big a part that plays in her life. So no surprise that Beth wanted to commit to having a horse of her own. When I left for home, I thought she was buying a 6-year-old horse from Sheila’s ranch. But in fact she bought a beautiful 16-month-old Friesian/Arabian named Bela Luna, who will spend another year growing up in WI and will join Beth in San Francisco in the fall of 2011.
I also felt the strong force field my ex-husband stays behind, and I had to let go of my hoped-for chance to sit and talk and kvell about our children, and maybe make amends to each other. Through meditation and Al-Anon, I realized that I too had been a part of the breakdown of our marriage, and I wanted to tell him that. Well, such are expectations—they easily turn into disappointments.
And how could I have forgotten how wondrous it is to canoe on a northern lake in the morning or evening and listen to the loons calling to each other.
Finally, I came to see in a moment of clarity that each of us was where we were supposed to be. And how lucky I was that Robb was there with me, with us, with the children he has helped parent all these years. The universe usually delivers but I am not always looking in the right direction. At the lake, I was…